December 2012
2 posts
5 tags
I'd be up for you never messaging me again
I have a question I’m here to try new things would you let me suck your toes and lick your ass hole I’m just trying to keep it real with you I really hope you not offended by my message you seem sweet I’m just trying to be true to myself or I can’t expect myself to be true to you and just because I want to be a little freaky for once does not mean I’m a Creep or bad person please don’t judge me by...
5 tags
Only if you fuck as well as you punctuate.
+5 for no punctuation at all.
+15 because who among us has not wanted to get up on a gurl’s buttcheeks?
+6 for the slow-roll “gurrrrrlllll” at the end. Perfect delivery. Mad sexy.
TOTAL POINTS: 26.
November 2012
7 posts
3 tags
Buzzfeed Column: The Dirtiest Old Men on the... →
4 tags
Do werewolves fart, though?
some of my pet peeves are the sound of dishes clanking together, the sound of empty beer bottles hitting each other, the sound that silverware makes whn it hits a hard surface, the sound of static, and a really high pitch beeping sound hurts my ears, and i say all this cuz to some ppl it may not hurt there ears but i have real sensitive ears… so i now will tell u wat i have for pets i have a...
4 tags
Jelly seems like a better option.
I’m not saying I’m chivalrous, but I’m polite. Before anal sex I’ll be sure to put some nutella or peanut butter on your butthole and lick it up.
_________________________________________________
+8 because lining your butthole with a nut-based spread is extremely polite in some cultures. Right?
+5 because this guy has definitely never had anal sex before if he thinks that a sticky thick food...
Anonymous asked: Just want to comment about your interview on askmen and the idea that it is easier to simply not respond to a message if you are not interested. As a guy (hopefully a fairly normal one), I would much rather get a short "thanks, but I am not interested' message rather than having to feel like a creep checking to see if the person has been online and trying to guess if my original message...
4 tags
Buzzfeed Column: The Biggest Buttheads in Internet... →
6 tags
Thank you for ruining my sundae.
+15 for poop ice cream.
+8 for what kind of ice cream shop is he taking you to? I don’t think they allow that kind of behavior at Baskin Robbins.
+4 for non-sequitur. “I love high school sluts, so I will finger your asshole.” Sure ok.
+6 for “and then you will tell me if it’s as good as you remember.” So you’ve fingered this girl’s asshole...
A(n)nals in Ask Men →
October 2012
10 posts
5 tags
The size issue is definitely upsetting.
______________________________________________________
+15 for the HILARIOUS Ok Cupid moderator conversation along the right-hand side.
+4 for “user has sent link to photos of a small penis. Delete.”
+6 for the next video of him jacking off (delete), and then “its different every time you click on it!”
TOTAL POINTS: 25.
6 tags
I don't even need to see it to make fun of you.
Hello sexy. I’m a nice guy but I have a small penis. Would you make fun of it and have to cheat on me?
__________________________________________
+6 for cuckolding fetish, right? Right.
+3 because yes, be up-front with your fetishes, but (a) be up-front about them instead of creepily beating around the bush, and (b) be up-front about them once you’ve actually met the person you’re...
5 tags
Is this your patented "Three-Second Slam" I've...
I wouldn’t mind putting a rubber on and slamming you from behind.
_____________________________________
+4 for safety first!
+2 because “rubber,” really? Are you going to shag me with a rubber before we smoke some dope? DAD GET OFF THE INTERNET.
+7 for his sexy offer to “slam” you. From behind. What vagina doesn’t get a little smiley when it hears it’s about...
4 tags
Well you sound like you'd be a real joy in the...
+8 because you are definitely not any sort of rapist, domestic abuser or criminal.
+5 for thinking that this is somehow sexy. Someone has been reading too much 50 Shades of Grey.
+4 for believing that this will make a woman interested in him, and not actually totally terrified.
+2 because thank God OK Cupid has a “block this user [because he’s definitely a threat to my...
4 tags
No but my boot might get caught in your ass.
would my Prince Albert get caught in your tooth gap?
__________________________________________________
+3 for gross.
+6 for not only vaguely insulting her gap tooth, but insulting it with a disgusting comment.
+4 because the answer is probably yes.
TOTAL POINTS: 13.
Buzzfeed Column: How To Not Be Terribly Blatantly... →
4 tags
Sorry, I only do disco sticks.
Okay I’m going to just ask and hope for the best….. lets be honest. Do you wanna hook up and fuck? You seem like my type of woman, personality wise. And I really like you. Sexy, free time college student here.. I’m NOT looking for a one night stand… I’m possibly considering a friends with benefits relationship. I just haven’t enjoyed the way I would want to with anyone yet, still looking for...
3 tags
Buzzfeed Column: 9 Things You Must Do When An... →
3 tags
Sounds like you'd prefer sushi.
+3 for intro run-on sentence.
+5 for clearly not understanding the meaning of the word “elegant.”
+4 for elegance, elegance, elegance, I WANNA EAT YO PUSSY.
+6 for thinking pussy tastes like strawberry shortcake. There are a lot of great things about eating pussy, but its strawberry shortcake flavor is not one of them.
+5 for the long discussion of her “solar...
4 tags
Here's my fist. Run it into your face, maybe.
I’m tall, skinny, and talk a lot of shit. I’ve had a gym membership since ‘09.. I write poetry.. Here’s one.. Hey I just met you.. And this is crazy… But here’s my laundry.. So wash it, maybe?
__________________________________________
+5 for hilarious poem. LOL I hope you crack a “make me a sammich!” joke next. Hilarious, seriously, and super original.
+6 for...
September 2012
20 posts
What I feel like when I pick the most flattering...
How I feel when I get the 19th "Hey gurl" message...
When I realize that I came home drunk last night...
3 tags
How I feel when I see another message directed to...
4 tags
And you kinda remind me of a guy I would never...
_____________________________________
+6 for opening with sexual abuse.
+4 for “you remind me of a woman who was sexually abused by several people.”
+8 for that tampon story. That’s… kind of awesome? But also fucking disgusting and crazy. I mean, fuck that guy, what a toad, but yeah pulling out a tampon in a bar is… something. If I were a random patron, I...
What I do when for once I actually get a decent...
Me when I check the inbox to this website.
When I realize I have been online dating for three...
Date me or I will kill myself. (Don't worry,...
why can’t I find a good looking woman with her life in order to DATE and be in a RELATIONSHIP with??? Am I too ugly? I would have thought having a stable job, place of my own, car, Harley, dog and no kids would be a good thing??? but it seems that those things don’t matter. I think I am a decent looking guy. I’m not sure what I have to do to attract the right woman. I’m not picky, but yet I don’t...
What should really be the tagline of my online...
What I do when the one halfway dateable man on...
How I feel when I look at who has viewed my...
via
1 tag
What I'm usually doing while browsing OK Cupid...
via
A(n)nals of Online Dating: NOW WITH MORE JIFFS.
JUST WAIT. See, we’re in touch with what the kids like.
Go away, douche. That's American.
Please respond with your approximate height and weight. I need it for the cage, I mean dress I’m planning on buying you. I’m 5’8, 185 lbs, Christian, spiritual, single, monogamous, romantic, politically incorrect, Conservative Libertarian, kind of funny, a little crazy, very protective, and as a bonus, I smell a lot like love and have intelligents two - won a spielling be in gramnar skool. I’d...
Doing some public service with my Buzzfeed column... →
Basically anyone with a head and a vagina will do.
+10 for that username.
+15 for holy disgusting!
+3 because do you think he likes sex?
+5 for his fantasies involving latex and vegetables.
+4 because he’s German. Of course he is.
+6 for the youngest person he’s ever slept with being “too dirty” to discuss. Um… that’s because it was a child, wasn’t it? Go to jail.
TOTAL POINTS: 43.
2 tags
I may act like a teenage girl, but at least I...
WHY ARE U SO MEEN 2 ME I WAS JUS INTERESTED IN U CUZ U SEEM LIKE A SWEET PERSON BUT I SEE UR NOT U JUST PRE JUDJE ME WITH OUT EVEN KNOWING ME GROW U UR ACTING LIKE UR A TEEN AGE GIRL IN STEAD OF A WOMAN IN HER 20TYS I DONT WANT 2 TALK 2 U EITHER GOOD BYE
________________________________________________________
+3 for ALL CAPS.
+6 for “U JUST PRE JUDJE ME.” I wouldn’t say...
Buzzfeed Column: The Proto-Rapists of OK Cupid →
Sorry, I'm on Team Jacob.
+15 for HUMAN SACRIFICE.
+6 for sacrifice and rape. Sacrifice and THEN rape? I can’t decide if that’s better or worse than the opposite order.
+2 because of course his name is Edward. Is this some bizarro Twilight shit? I don’t understand.
+4 because does he understand what “sacrifice” means? I suspect no, and that he thinks it’s just part of some...
August 2012
13 posts
4 tags
You might have better luck with a devout Christian...
+9 because who among us does not ideally want to end up with a lefty Christian gal who loves anal?
+7 because this guy has clearly been dating too many lefty Christians. If he wants ALL ANAL ALL THE TIME, he needs to find some abstinence-only education graduates. Virginity preservation ahoy! And twice the syphilis!
+5 because apparently you can have some pairing of lefty politics, you can...
4 tags
Everyone knows that child rapists are awesome in...
[So I’m not usually one to put warnings on posts since this entire site is full of offensive content, but the following post is relatively graphic about child molestation. If that is not something you want to read, please skip].
+3 because ugh GOD this entire post makes me feel so disgusting.
+5 because I had two internal debates about this one: (1) Do I publish this because it is...
4 tags
Probably something related to the impact of...
+8 for SO MANY DEEP THOUGHTS.
+5 for sad, thoughtful, ok slightly less thoughtful but that’s fine grandpa, HOT DOGS.
+4 because although the hot dog question is clearly the best part of this, I also enjoy the fact that he lists “my one and only true love that I so carelessly threw away” as something he spends a lot of time thinking about. On his online dating profile. Where...
I think you misunderstand the meaning of "I'm...
My name is Joyce I’m 22 I currently go to school for nursing…. School is a passion of mine but no I’m Not a nerd lol. I play guitar and write and record my own music:) I recently got out of a bad relationship and I’m ready to see where all the MEN are at:) I love to go out and have a good time and I’m pretty much up for anything:) I need some friends maybe more :) hit me up! I currently will be...
Anonymous asked: Hey, are you ever planning to put in a new background so that the number of notes and comments show up better?
2 tags
Buzzfeed Column: When Annoying Ayn Rand Acolytes... →
You really should have gone with "Major League...
+10 for that follow-up. All class!
+4 for starting out trying to discuss sexism because of course he is such a nice and non-sexist guy, and when she doesn’t respond calling her a cunt. Weird how women avoid him.
+6 for not understanding what a Major League Baseball intern could possibly do, since he’s never seen a female MLB player. Is he under the impression that MLB is run by the...
You have to try to be this rude.
+4 for holy rudeness, Batman!
+6 because this reminds me of when I was a kid and my sister and I would get into fights and hurl insults at each other, and when our parents would interfere we would defend ourselves by saying, “GOD, I was just KIDDING.” And then our parents would say, “Saying ‘just kidding’ doesn’t make it ok.” They were right! And this...
Bitch Plz.
+3 for all the Zs.
+5 for begging her to PLZ message him back and PLZ don’t ignore him and PLZ don’t refuse to talk to him.
+4 for desperation is sexy, right?
+3 for basically a list of demands. I am glad she is your type. However, her type does not appear to be semi-literate desperate men who are “really obsessed” with someone they saw once on the internet.
TOTAL...
2 tags
I even have a Justin Bieber haircut.
Hello there.. How are you?? I know you are looking for girl but trust me i body type is thin and like a girl body.. U gone enjoy it..
____________________________________________________
+3 for straight guy hitting on a lesbian.
+8 for “I’m thin like a girl.” Uh… pretty sure “I’m interested in women” doesn’t mean “I’m interested in...
If Seth Rogan can get a girlfriend...
I’m trying to find a few fun xbox game playing girls to chill with. I play call of duty, halo (if i get really bored), grand theft auto, and some other random arcade games I downloaded from LIVE. I have heard a lot about Skyrim but haven’t gotten around to actually renting it to try it out. Do you play any of these games?
___________________________________________
+4 for thinking that listing...
