December 2010
13 posts
That's nice, dear.
i like nerdy red heads
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+20 for the fact that the recipient of this message is not at all a redhead.
TOTAL POINTS: 20.
To be fair, "..." is really interesting
hi there..how are you ?..can we meet ?…I got interested in…
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+4 for the fact that dude lives across the country, so no, we probably cannot meet.
+3 for gratuitous use of ellipses
+5 for being interested in… ellipses. Better than commas, I guess.
TOTAL POINTS: 12.
But did he go to Jared?
L LOVE YOUR BODY AND SPIRIT HOPE WE CAN MARRY
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+4 for body AND spirit. No shallow men, please.
+2 for all caps.
+1 for substituting L for I. Those always confuse me, too.
+6 for hoping we can marry — has that line ever not worked?
TOTAL POINTS: 13.
So much for the totally true stories about...
Wow you are actually quite good looking. So much for those untrue stories of feminists being women who can’t get men. :) You should be on tv to dispute that ignorant view. :)
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+4 for two emoticons
+2 for being shocked that she is good-looking and a feminist, and then denouncing the ignorance of that exact view
+5 for thinking skeevy comments about being hot for a...
I think you've proven just enough, thanks.
please see my profile……if you dare ,some say they can i prove it.
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+8 for being totally incomprehensible.
+2 for “…if you dare.” Yes, I have joined an internet dating site because I am secretly terrified of looking at internet dating profiles.
+3 for the mystery ending. Who can prove it? They? You? I? What are we proving?! So many questions!
TOTAL...
Subject: Sorry, as a big-time feminist activist I...
Subject: buy me supper?
Dec. 6, 2010 – 1:13am
Hey [redacted], I don’t know how long you’re supposed to wait between messages, but I think I sent you one in September, so should be long enough. I’m pretty much broke, and looking for work. I had an interview last Tuesday, and I thought they were going to call back Friday, but now I’m hoping on Monday. Hey, you know what? I know...
Actually my cunt is a masculist.
Subject: Keeping feminist cunts in check.
Body: Keeping feminist cunts in check.
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+20 because I actually can’t tell if this is a submission (i.e., some poor lady received this message while online dating and submitted it for hilarity) or if some charmer just wanted to send it to me.
But -5 for lack of creativity. Really, the same subject as the body of...
That's good as I want to fuck and play air guitar!...
Subject: Finally, girl of my dreams
Hello, my LASIK is wearing off also and you said not to message you if we just want to fuck and run. That’s good as I want to fuck and stay! I love karaoke and will treat you with me singing “You Shook Me All Night Long” by AC/DC, even if we haven’t hit the sack yet… a man can dream….
(name), but everybody calls me (same name)
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+5...
Actually, I was using the zombie apocalypse as a...
Well in case of zombie break glas and remove shot gun and bat.. lots of dats .. well not shure if thats what you ment, or are you refering on how to live with the breakdown of society and survive . Hi my names Tom just thought id say hello
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Zombies: +5
Spelling carnage: +6
Using zombies as an allegory for the breakdown of society in an internet dating...
If I wasn't into it before, I am now.
you into kicking guys in the nuts? You know, to vent stress or something. I’m a masochist, and if you’d like to kick me, I’ll let you, no charge, no questions asked. If not, no problem. I am sincere, though. And anyway, Happy New Year! So there’s a han, me troosty fiere, an gees a han o thine! We’ll tak a right gude willy waucht fir ald lang syne!
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...
No, they're not real. And they're terrible.
Subject: Hey there!
Message: are those real?
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+6 for basically begging for a Seinfeld reference.
+2 for brevity.
+4 for having the balls to go straight for titty-talk.
TOTAL POINTS: 12.
Hey baby, wanna role-play? You be a feminazi and...
Against my better judgment upon seeing the ‘f’ word, I read your profile in full. I generally eat feminists for breakfast. My favorite meal is a third-wave feminist with a sprinkling of postmodern-pretentiousness (2% caramel version)— quite the delicacy. Anyway, we have absolutely fuck-all in common, I can’t see us ever getting along, and the sex would probably be some sort of power struggle...
Sorry, only multifaceted diamonds really deeply...
Message 1:
I hope you and your family are well and happy. How’s it going? Thank you for posting here. I find you interesting and challenging. I read your profile and I think you are awesome like a multifaceted diamond and that’s very cool! I’d like to know more about what you shared. I noticed that you are pretty good at baking, cooking, reading, singing, hugging and it looks like you...
