December 2011
15 posts
My mother is Sally Jessy Raphael, which is how...
Him: can i cum on those glasses
Her: Holy smokes I think I’ve seen you before on this! Hang on let me get the link
www.annalsofonlinedating.tumblr.com
It’s somewhere on here!
Him: nah u never seen me
Her: http://annalsofonlinedating.tumblr.com/post/9012244500/theres-gotta-be-a-dorothy-parker-quote-for-this
YUP! There you are!
Him: lol u funny
u still didnt answer my question,and the...
You also don't respond when I scream "HEY SWEET...
Most of you bitches don’t respond. Why should I waste my time and energy personalizing each message. Would you rather I reference something from your profile? Let’s see…. You like music! I like music too.
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+7 for beginning a message with “most of you bitches.” SO WEIRD that bitches don’t respond.
+2 for punctuation fail....
Christmas Meat
It’s Christmas Eve, and here on A(n)nals of Online Dating we’re celebrating the virgin birth just how the baby Jesus would want: With wildly inappropriate sexytime messages. There have been a great many of these submitted, and lots of them are (blessedly) short. So here are some of my favorites, all in one neat package, sent by six different internet elves. Merry...
Just a nice single dad looking for some good clean...
Dad here for genuine intimacy, erotic caring, daring sweet hot anal play, cleaned and lubed with 420, & exquisitely patient arousal for us both. Interested in chatting sum?
Always eager to please, it get’s me hot when I hear your lust breath. Might hope you enjoy my profile, thank you
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+4 for “Dad here.” Good opener. Was...
You mean there's more to it than just kimchi?
Hi there! 안녕하세요? I’ve always wanted a Korean friend, let’s go sing karaoke sometime together! You can teach me all about Korean culture
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+10 for “I’ve always wanted a Korean friend.” And hey, you look sort of Asian, so you’ll do.
+6 for karaoke. All Koreans love karaoke, right?
+2 for the copied-and-pasted Korean...
I like sex too, but nudity takes it a little too...
Hi How are you? I would like to get to know you!! I like to fuck!!! I like SEX and I like NUDITY!!! This may seem strange in a way.
I do not have a picture of mysef posted here (nor anywhere for that matter, on the Internet so as to preserve my privacy. Also for my work infringements.
I hope to hear from you.
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+5 for Hey, how are you, we...
Nah, Freud described insanity as "sending someone...
Was it Freud who once described insanity as the state in which the unconscious mind is visible? I saw a girl the other day and here is what I saw: I saw her drunk dad eating gophers and her mom making fat-free wraps, made from fat-free refried beans and fat-free cheese and fat-free tortillas. I could see the years spent before a mirror, the trapeze act of her eyes that ends with the fat...
Cute, "Girl Next Door" Type Looking for the Man...
Cute, “Girl Next Door” Type Looking for the Man Who Has Everything but Time… -Are you an attractive Professional who simply does not have the time for a commited relationship? Do you like the idea of spoiling a clean-cut, attractive, sexy, educated lady? -Are you looking for someone who likes dressing sexy all the time, but can also present well at dinner parties, corporate events and other...
My mom has a brain tumor, got any good cancer...
See anyone get fried lately? Hey did u ever see that movie conviction with hilary swank? you’re like her, but much sexier :)
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+10 because he sent this to a death penalty lawyer, who I’m sure thinks it’s hilarious to picture her clients being killed.
+5 for “you’re just like an Oscar-winning actress in an emotionally...
Well I can armpit-fart The Star-Spangled Banner,...
hello adorable girl , how are you ? you are beautiful . are u looking for a very serious relation ? i have had lots of drama with relations, so looking for a no commitment relation . i am not for one night stands . r u okay with idea of being cuddle buddies and share a few kisses ? would love to admire your lovely face, boobs and armpits . sorry if i am being too forward .
...
Magic is everywhere in this bitch.
What I’m doing with my life: going to nursing school. i love helping people because i feel like ive hurt so many in the past. this is my way of giving back.
I’m really good at: sneaking pills from work/not getting in trouble for it!! (not that i haven’t learned many lessons the hard way in the past haha.)
The first things people usually notice about me: my feet. the skin is rough and the...
Sorry, I have rabies.
Here kitty kitty… ;-)
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+5 for blatant pussy reference.
+2 for winky-face.
+4 for so over-the-top creepy.
+3 because do you think this guy is one of those people who dresses up in a furry suit to get in the mood to hump? I think yes.
TOTAL POINTS: 14.
2 tags
I've had a particularly hard time finding someone...
If you are not a woman of my race, I’m not sexually attracted to black woman it’s my choice and I don’t have to explain to anyone why I choose this, so all other woman fell free to write me back if your educated and you don’t have a house full of children cause I don’t have any of my own!!
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+6 for putting it right out there with the racism.
+4...
Who doesn't, idiot?
Do you like to watch movies and snuggle and suck cock?
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+3 for direct.
+4 for romantic, aww, what?
+3 because damn, that kinda sounds like a great Friday night.
TOTAL POINTS: 10.
I didn't want to waste my hard-earned vagina on...
You should message me if: Message me if you are intelligent and can hold chopsticks and are not racist. Also message me if you can understand that a WOMAN’S vagina is like a MAN’S money. Meaning if we are NOT dating and if I do not KNOW who you are, you will have to be able to provide for yourself. I am not going to give a little unless you can give a little. Most women dont want to feel like...
