February 2011
56 posts
Safe to say, "Not you."
Wuz good Ma … I see ya checkin out my profile and are tryin to see what Im about .. Don’t be shy or scared get at me and let me know what’s up boo boo … Drop mr MSG in my inbox… Any ?’s u got I got answers for so ask em … Lookin foward to hearing from u … What are u actually looking for by the way ?
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+7 for “drop ur MSG in my inbox.”...
Hold on, let me check my Outlook calendar.
u like 2 get fucked right now
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+4 for not including the word “would.”
+2 for gross.
+5 for “right now.” RIGHT NOW, really? You can’t give me five minutes?
TOTAL POINTS: 11.
Mocking blind people always gives me a boner too.
Subject: Written in Braille
.. .. … …… . .… .. .. … .. . ….… … . … .. … … .. . ……. .… …… ….… . … . . ….. …… . … . .… . . …… . . … … …… .. …. . Just in case you’re blind…I thought my first message to you should be in braille ;) …Nathan…
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+5 for making fun of the blind. Seriously?
+4 because that wasn’t even funny, it’s just weird.
+2 because it...
And I'm asexual with idiots.
Hello, I love your curves! I’m bisexual with women but gay with men! Make any sense? Not looking for a romantic relationship with a woman but friends would be great. ; )
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+5 for no, that doesn’t make any sense.
+2 for trolling an online dating website to make “friends” (winky face).
+3 for is this trying to be cute or flirty?...
And I drive a big black van with no windows.
My name is Louis i really Love children a lot ,i also like to play with them, i think you have a very nice kid, Stay bless, Big Love,
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+10 for this guy is definitely a pedo.
+5 because there is no way any sane person would let this man meet her kid, ever. Even though he Love children and likes to play with them and thinks hers is very nice.
+3 for Stay...
Did you mean to go to Spankwire.com? Because this...
hey sexy, how are you ? i will like to masturbate .. and i will like to look at u and masturbate till i cum .do you care sexy.. add on skype or oovooo..yahoo.msn:
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+5 for gross.
+2 for inexplicable punctuation.
+4 for skype, yahoo, msn and… oovoo? What the hell is that?
+3 for what does she get out of this, exactly? Watching some creep...
You better respect that court order, dude.
fuk all this bs.. I Want you.. and you better give me a chance girl
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+4 for wow so creepy.
+2 for “fuk.” Especially in the context of “fuk all this bs.” What BS would that be? Polite and normal getting-to-know-you conversation?
+2 for “girl.”
+3 for “and you better give me a chance.” I will give you a...
I'm more the sourpuss type.
Message 1: YOU SOUND VERY INTERESTEDING , ID LOVE TO CHAT WITH U AN MAYBE WE CAN SEE WHO CAN TAKE THE MOST TEQUILA SHOTS. SWEETLOVER
Message 2: you are very pretty would you like to chat with me. i have dated bi women befor an we got along great. love to chat, sweetlover
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+4 because Sweetlover lives 1500 miles away from the recipient of this message. Where...
Buddy, condoms don't buy themselves.
Hi , my name is kyle. Im 21 years old. Im broke , Im poor and I have nothing but love to offer. However love is cheap and affordable. Its something I need and something I desire… If anthropology is your interest, then Ill excite you. Im a culture by myself, I have my own customs and traditions… Feel free to check out my profile. Also Im a writer and a political activist, and run a very...
Pretty sure this only works if you're Tom Cruise.
I’m sorry. You were taking so long in the bathroom and this guy was looking at me. Next thing I knew we were making out and you came back and stormed out of the bar. I just want you to know that I really liked you and I’m not gay, I just have gay experiences sometimes. You are a beautiful girl and I’m glad that you came on date with me. I would like very much to try again. This time I...
Jane like honest man.
How r u I like u wana friendship wid u I’m honest and I like honest lady
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+3 for spelling, grammar and punctuation carnage.
+4 for preferring an honest lady to an intelligent one. Gotta make sure they have something in common.
+2 because this guy is basically Tarzan on a Nokia, right?
TOTAL POINTS: 9.
Apparently not nice enough to get rid of you.
NICE NICE NICE WAY TO GET REID OF THE SHIT HEADS NICE PROFILE WELL I DON’T WANT YOUR SEX PIX .BUT I WOULD LIKE 2 CHAT OR TALK 2 YOU . YOU CAN CALL, IT’S UP 2 YOU ? By the way you have BEAUTIFUL eyes ! ! ! My name is DEAN 909-000-0000 XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
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+3 for spelling, grammar and punctuation carnage.
+2 for ALL CAPS and then normal caps and then...
DEAR SIR, CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL
helo, you really look nice, cute, and gorgeous, i really admire your nice created curved face and shape. anyway i came in contact with your profile on my search for a nice person that can be compatible with my mode of living, and you really look like what i m searching for, please i will like to have some exchange of message with you to see if what i saw can be tangible, between us, i m...
Maybe work on that "putting your best foot...
Subject: ex-convict looking to find hot girl
ive been in prison for selling drus and using now i am a recovering addict who gots his Shit together and wants to experiance life with normal people i run 5 miles a day and workout strenously..if u are intrested send me a mess…
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+10 for subject line.
+5 for putting it all out there.
+2 for Shit...
Make sure it's a flattering one.
Subject: Hay
This is Frank call me so I text u picture of u 1773*******
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+5 for “Hay.”
+6 for “text u picture of u.” If I text you, you’ll text me a picture of me? How would that be fun for anyone?
TOTAL POINTS: 11.
I'm so stoked about Duck Hunt 3, lol call me.
hey i just seen ur profile, it sounds like u game exactly like me, solo.lol if u want a good xbox live co-op hack and slash i’d say too human, its fuckin sweet. And are u as stoked about mass effect 3 as i am? probably not cause i dream about that shit.lol. just wanted to msg u and give u my gamertag (redacted) if u ever feel like gamin it up or chatting, if not thats cool. o and to get on ur...
And I just converted to any religion that doesn't...
If 2nite you see a big fat man jump through your window and puts you in a sack dont be scared and no screaming cos i told SANTA i wanted you 4 xmas have a lovely xmas dearie
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+7 for wow rapey.
+2 for rapey message as written by a 14-year-old who can’t spell out his words.
+3 for SANTA in all caps. Why?
+4 for ruining Christmas with this...
What? Friends listen to Endless Love in the...
Hi! how are you. Please become my friend and when next time you get drunk …you can take pictures with me……..love & peace. Reply soon. Joseph.
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+2 for grammar and punctuation carnage.
+6 for pre-planning friendship, then drunkenness, then naked pictures.
+3 for creepy.
+5 for “love & peace.”
+3 for thinking she may actually...
It smells worse than it looks.
hello how are you doing today ? you are very beautiful :)you have a pretty butt ;)
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+2 for two smiley.
+2 for punctuation carnage.
+7 for “you have a pretty butt” as a pick-up.
+ another 3 because her butt isn’t visible in any of her photos.
TOTAL POINTS: 14.
How are you at massages?
How are you doing? My name is [redacted], and I am writing you because I would like to find someone who might have some interest in having a servant. I am interested in pursuing this arrangement on a long term 2 or 3 time a week basis, and I promise that you will not regret it if you give me a chance. I am honestly looking for a someone like yourself who might be interested in...
