April 2011
47 posts
I'm not sure what you expected when you joined...
You are a disgusting freak. How you ended up on my “match” list is beyond comprehension. Please do everybody a favor and lock yourself in a dungeon and have your husband flush the key.
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+6 for holy meanness!
+4 sending a message only to tell someone they’re ugly.
+5 because why is this guy still single?
TOTAL POINTS: 15.
And talking to you is like talking to an...
(3:28:42 am)[bloke]:i was a tenor too! meaning tenor also, i was actually a tenor 1. lol
(3:30:14 am)[bloke]:you’re seriously the most gorgeous woman i’ve seen on okc by the way.
(3:31:02 am)[bloke]:and delightfully geeky!
(3:32:25 am)[bloke]:but i’ll let you go since you seem to have no interest in talking.
(3:34:30 am)[bloke]:oh there you are! ha
(3:35:24 am)[bloke]:sorry about the empty...
And I see many rejections in your future.
hmmm….Nov 25, 2010 – 6:43pmYou definitely have a forced strangeness about you. I see many cats in your future, however I suspect somewhere along the way you will discover a cure for ingrown hairs….just sayin… ;)
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+15 for “I see many cats in your future.” If dudes like you are what the universe is offering, then I see many cats in my future too.
+6 for...
Perhaps the Depends aisle will be more fruitful...
Hey, how has your weekend been? I have just got home after a bit too much fun last night/this morning, and still a little drunk, and very much enjoying your profile! (And not just the visual aspects, though that is definitely one of its many strong points!) I would like to think I can be a decent party animal when the mood strikes, though I do also consider myself intelligent and...
Start there, move north.
i want to lick your legs
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+2 for creepy.
+3 for direct.
+5 for definitely the wrong body part following “I want to lick your _______”
+6 because I hope she had this guy over and just let him lick her legs all night long. That’s it. Just licking the legs and licking the legs and licking the legs.
TOTAL POINTS: 16.
Great, I'm also in the market for an abusive...
WANTING COMPLETLY SUBMISSIVE GIRL TO LIVE WITH ME TEXTME
i want 2 a girl that is completly 0 submissive sexuly and non sexualy 8 to live with me i have my 7 own house in caldwell i want 0 a girlfriend that likes to stay home 4 i will be cooking for you giving 0 you massages and serving you i enjoy 9 cuddling i want a girl with no 8 bondaries a girl that will do 3 anything i ask with no...
But do you know about the horns we hide under our...
Subject: So worth your time Mocha Barbie
Hey how are you, just wanted to stop by and say hi. I contacted you after reading you profile. We have allot in common, both are very goal oriented and have achieved success in life. I look for key three guys, to connect mentally physically and later sexually. I would like to get to know you a little better if you are interested. Oh, yes, I only date...
I think the technical term is "What What in the...
apologies in advance… yum yum up the bum!!! well when u free treacle??? xxx
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+15 for “yum yum in the bum.” WHY.
+4 for apologizing, and then doing something entirely inappropriate.
+6 for “treacle.” I am 86 years old, I guess, because I do not know what that is.
+3 for “xxx.” Yup.
TOTAL POINTS: 28.
So where's the part where you become one (or two...
I can sense your need for submission, i feel the energy of it in your profile, i read between the lines, I know you better then you know yourself….. you want me in your mouth, you want to worship me whilst on your knees honoring lord cock, giving your most passionate, most lascivious blow job you ever dreamed you could perform. It will take something special to step outside yourself and be...
Make it the Days Inn and I'm there.
I’m staying at the Holiday Inn Express off of University. I’m just a regular guy lookin for a little spice in my life. I work 12 - 14hr days and hardly have a personal life at all. I promise you you won’t be dissapointed. I’m pretty much a bag full of joy! But I do need a massage =)
...
Have you ever been roofied? I also love roofies.
Hi, do you have weak arms? I love weak arms
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+7 for eeew, seriously? Eeew.
+4 because the subtext here is “So you can’t defend yourself,” right?
+3 for this is so date-rapey.
TOTAL POINTS: 14.
And he wouldn't even ask for a BJ in return.
You know people have been asking for generations, “What would Jesus do?” I believe the answer is you.
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+25 because that shit is actually funny. Except Jesus would also eat you out first.
TOTAL POINTS: 25.
So you're saying that being born is kind of like...
Hello there, We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse. I am watching your smile on the profile photo and it just blew me away. I’m not a Caucasian hot throb, but I am not ugly,… - may be we are looking for each other and didn’t know we exist till this message hit your in-box…..
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+8 for that opener, and then failing to suggest that he...
And by "enjoying" I mean masturbating. As in...
hi nice profile,… very very sexy! I like you’re look and style. I’m actually “enjoying” your pics right now! i’m on skype now if you like to see that, or joining in.. buzz me. [redacted, but it includes the word “bone” -ed]. ciao Alex
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+8 for a message which basically amounts to “I am using your online dating profile as a replacement...
...so you're saying when we role-play, I get to be...
hello So I do think you look amazing thats what guys gotta say to you. Thats what you deep down wanna here it can just be so over done that it has lost its meaning as a true compliment. Please take this one as one. I learned so little about you and would like to know more , I would also just like to say if your at all interested , I’m the guy who’s honest with you , do these make me look...
2 tags
All real on top, but all wig down below ;-)
Is that your real hair, or are you wearing a wig?
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+7 for WTF?
+10 for entry-level neg. We’ve all read The Game, brother. This is weak.
TOTAL POINTS: 17.
I am extremely mindful of the reality that you are...
Ok well I’m not going to lie, I don’t waste peoples time. I’ve been here a while and met a few people, and I’m disappointed to say the least.
I can honestly say the selection on here is mostly scary to me. I have no problem with single moms or girls that are other than stick thin. But for real, if you are gargantuan and just gross please don’t bother paying to be profiled in the top portion...
I taste just like candy. Really, really weird,...
Pending awards: [redacted] gave you: Eye Candy — “so stunning, man i would love to deep rimm you for sure!”
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+9 for spelling “rim” incorrectly.
+8 for “deep rimm.” Ohhh yuck. Can you even “deep rim” someone? Isn’t the whole point of the “rim” part of that phrase that… I don’t know, I am not...
Now that you mention it, I do play on a local...
subject: hey
Are you sure you’re not gay?
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+8 for what a question.
+2 for creepy message from a lady. We don’t get enough of those around here.
+5 for “are you SURE?” I mean, I THOUGHT I wasn’t gay, but how can one ever be totally sure?
+4 because I do like flannel shirts, combat boots, cats and team sports… Hmmm.
TOTAL...
As a Jew, I'd like a little more credit for that...
subject: did you know jesus christ loves you and died
for you.
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+8 for dating website evangelism (although this would have been way better if you had directed me to Christ’s OK Cupid page so I could get with him directly).
+4 for such a long subject line, and a message that just says “for you.”
+5 because you know this is a mass...
Didn't your mom teach you not to send this kind of...
I have a bet for you;) I bet that my ass if phatter and better than yours;) I even made a video of me dancing to a beyonce song in a pink tutu shaking my ass hehe.I swear if its not way better than yours or any girl you know u can post my video wherever u want haha?? lol whats ur email ill send u it!
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+15 for his username: TutuMan.
+5 for “I...
Well, I kind of lie there, and you pump, and I...
Subject: how do u like fucking me?
how do u like fucking me?
how?
tell me.
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+6 for gross.
+4 for repeating “how do u like fucking me?” and not bothering to spell out “you” either time.
+8 for “how? tell me.” Eew. Also you are so demanding!
+5 because you know the answer is, “First I touch your dick, and by...
Careful with that hot sauce.
Dude: hi Me: hello Dude: how is life Me: pretty good. You? Dude: what are you up to Me: being lazy… have to do laundry Dude: nude? Me: ummm…no. Are you? Dude: yeah Me: Are you usually nude at 4:50 pm? Dude: Well it’s 6:30 in mexico
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+5 because I think time differences usually vary by the hour, right? And not by 20 minutes? So if it’s 4:50...
I'm pretty busy too, but this sounds fine as long...
hi there how’s it going? This maybe a long shot but i’ll ask anyways. how do you feel about being eaten out with no reciprocation required on your part. Just lie back and enjoy. Don’t mean to offend you or anything I’m just way too busy to date and that’s something I enjoy doing?
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+9 for “this maybe a long shot.” Yes.
+5 for “I’m...
I'll bring the cuff, but you have to supply your...
Hey there! How are you? Do you have a BP cuff? Would you like to talk on Yahoo/Skype?
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+6 for BP cuff. That’s a blood pressure cuff, yeah? …why?
+5 for role-playing patient and sexy nurse, duh.
+4 for Yahoo/Skype. Why are all the creeps using such old technology? Why are there no creeps on g-chat?
TOTAL POINTS: 15.
And you look hard and sour, mmm.
Damn..you’re a fine ass sexy young hottie.!! you look so delicious„mmm..mmm..so sweet n juicy „no doubt..
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+4 for punctuation carnage.
+3 for so many adjectives!
+2 for just gross.
+5 for “sweet n juicy.” Are you calling me fat?
TOTAL POINTS: 14.
You know what they say at the RenFaire: M'lady in...
insert catchy subject line here
Hello, Ok, I guess this is where I make a fool of myself trying to break the ice and still be smooth enough to date…. hmm.. Fail So any way, hi my name is mike, I’m a 32 year old college student, majoring in general studies, think of switching to a history major… I also work in the colleges IT dept… I love the outdoors, camping, hiking, backpacking, almost...
I can't wait for you to trade in your windowless...
Subject: um so….
I can’t wait for you to be an adult :)
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Oh gross, go to jail.
TOTAL POINTS: -20.
I prefer my webcam masturbation via Skype, sorry.
Subject: Honest man
Hi! I’ll be honest with you. I think you are very pretty and I’m here looking for new friends to meet and if it’s possible have some webcam fun together. I really love to show myself on webcam and I think we can enjoy it very much. If you are interested please feel free to add me to msn, my id is [redacted] Thanks and have a good time!
...
I think you should work on being more succinct.
“Keats was wrong. The art of the urn is maybe superior to real life because in most cases, the anxiety/excitement leading up to an event far exceeds the event itself. The images depicted on the urn are frozen in that moment of anticipation: the lover anticipating the kiss, the tree hovering between summer and fall. While that prelude to a kiss is often superior to the actual kiss, we cannot...
Cat owner living alone and looking for love on the...
Hey shorty! What did you want to be when you were 7 (please don’t say a ballerina or a princess)?
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+8 for pedo-creepy
+5 for asking her what she wanted to be, and then telling her how to answer.
+2 for “shorty.” No.
TOTAL POINTS: 15.
Ok but if he actually calls that means we're going...
Hey my guy friend saw you profile and asked me to tell you that he is almost tempted to want to know you. He would like to exchange numbers to text but only if you understand that exchanging numbers is not a proposal for marriage. If you are cool with that then he would love to talk to you.
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+3 for picking up a lady for his friend.
+2 for...
"I Don't Want To Miss a Thing" always makes me cry...
hello how is you doin name is bobby aka juggernaught im a artistic lovin foll till i die dont care wat they say lookin for that chick that will be down all the way to the floor you know miss by my side even if the moon blows up tells me befor we go i loved you my whole like but im interested in you so get at me and lets do wat it do yea
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+7 for...
Does "You're a dick" count as a personal attack or...
I have a question that follows. I love to debate. I feel that Im very good at it. I see the Feminist Movement as a CIA funded political agitation mechanism. Many men feel that the Feminist Movement is anti-male, but I feel that its anti everybody. It hurts everyone that comes into contact with it. My question to you is, would you be able to offer a rebuttal to what I just asserted without...
I'll bring the ice and a bearskin rug.
Hello., you sex charm handsome soul you.! should we jump into bed at firest or drink a few soft drinks of wine….in front of a cozy fire place…while talking of lustful sinful pleasuring moments within your thoughts.!
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+10 because this was sent by someone whose user names includes the terms “juicy” and “69.”
+5 for being sent by a...
What usually turns me on is a night alone with a...
You are cute. I am a 38 year old dominant male looking for younger submissive fems, so if the idea of being tied up and fucked senseless or having me cum all over your face turns you on get back to me.
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+4 for direct.
+5 for “you are cute,” aww, I totally am right? segueing directly into FUCKED SENSELESS and CUMSHOT.
+6 for cum all over...
Aren't you supposed to offer me some candy first?
Bearing in mind that I have no sexual or romantic interests whatsoever, are you opposed to spending an hour or two with a complete stranger?
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+7 for having no sexual or romantic interests whatsoever, and yet still trolling an internet dating site.
+5 for giving her no reason why she would ever want to hang out with him.
+3 for “complete...
I do, it makes me really skinny, LOL glad u like...
You kind of look like you have cancer! that’s cute “lol”
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+15 for cancer patient fetish.
+3 for “lol” in quotes.
+4 because this is some entry-level negging. Step up your game bro. “You kind of look like you have an eating disorder, that’s cute!” is a better way to insult a lady and still get her panties wet.
TOTAL...
Actually you should have taken a closer look at...
January 10:
(10:11:11 pm)him:Hi
(10:31:21 pm)him:How’s your evening?
January 13:
(9:24:00 pm) him:How’s your night?
(9:24:37 pm) him:I’m obviously interested in how you’re doing these days
(9:39:14 pm)him:Busy?
January 14:
(1:17:45 am)him:Hi
January 17:
(7:14:48 pm)him:Hi
(7:15:17 pm)him:Hi
(7:15:18 pm)him:Hi
(7:15:19 pm)him:Hi
(7:15:20 pm)him:Hi
(7:15:20 pm)him:Hi
...
Didn't Phoebe Buffay write a song about this?
him: So, you’re a BI???
me: yeah
him: Oh… So, when is the last time you had a Pussy??
me: disrespectful.
him: Geez, what is disrespectful about that.. You said you are a BI, that is you lick a PUSSY period…
me: you need to learn some manners dude
him: What manners… Go eat some stinky Pussy..
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+4 for “a BI”
+4 for “a Pussy,”...
I am a great man and I really love cats and...
I AM A GREAT MAN LOOKING FOR A NICE WOMAN TO DATE AND EXPLORE THE WORLD WITH AND TRY NEW THINGS I AM UP FOR MOST ANYTHING I LIKE TO TRAVEL. I HAVE TWO CATS AND PEOPLE THINK IT IS WIERD THAT A GUY HAS CATS BUT THEY ARE MY MOUNTAIN LIONS AND DONT COMPLAIN WHEN I COME HOME FROM WORK LOLFirst DateFirst date would be watch college football JUST KIDDING I WOULD LIKE TO COOK FOR HER OR GO OUT...
And my current occupation is talking about how...
hi im an ex porn star new to halifax lookin to meet a sexy fun woman, you?
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+3 for record number of x’s in that post.
+2 for no caps.
+4 for run-on sentence. Come on, junior, they must use proper punctuation in porn scripts.
+3 for “sexy fun woman.” Very original tastes, I like that.
+4 for leading with “im an ex porn star.”...
And you'll probably catch the eye of Ms. Right...
Well hello!
High quality pics are important for an online profile, especially for women. The trinity is usually head shot, body shot, social shot. You have way too many of the former and too few of the latter; it makes you appear as if you are a narcissist with no friends. You’ll probably catch the eye of Mr. Right with a more rounded photo portfolio. Hope this helps!
...
No idea why this guy is single.
From the “You should message me if…” section of this dude’s profile:
If you’re reasonably tall (5’6-6’, no more than that because, while I don’t mind being eye to eye with you, I won’t ever be looking up to you), you’re passionate and intelligent so as to be good company, sexually liberated, and attractive - really attractive, fat chics...
So now what am I going to do with my Pocahontas...
him: You down for casual sex?
me: Not with you.
him: That’s ok, I’m not into indians anyway.
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+6 for racism.
+2 because she is bitchy and I like that.
+15 because she isn’t even Indian.
TOTAL POINTS: 23.
What would you do to hear me queef over two cans...
I would drag my scrotum over 900 echidnas whilst eating a steak covered in the gravy from susan boyles bunghole just to hear you fart over a walkie talkie
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+10 because as I was reading this I thought, I would actually date this guy! He sounds hilarious, and knows what an echidna is, and I like steak.
+5 …right up until he said ” Susan...
T-t-t-t-today, junior!
subject: hey1 brat…;-)
k no tip toeing, here i come….. Welllllll to make LLong storyy short you somehow sound like you might be more than just another pretty face( Is it ?? ). Now Something tells me that you are probably getting about 50 emails a day ( ok may be 24… ) from guys saying things like….. I am freshly divorced from my seventh wife, 8th one is planning to as i can hear her talking...
