August 2011
15 posts
And perhaps horseback riding and a hot-air balloon...
And I want dinner first then dancing and hot-tubing and skinny dipping and then wild passionate sex I guess okay
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+4 for non-sequitur sentence fragment.
+2 for “hot-tubing.” Hot tubes go where now?
+3 because that is a LOT crammed in to one night!
+5 for “then wild passionate sex I guess okay.” I suppose if we...
...are you calling me fat?
Hello my beautiful sweet juicy fruit Nubian black queen chocolate sweetness thickness ice-cream cake empress woman candy baby how are u feeling early today darling how was work sunshine?
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+6 for SO MANY ADJECTIVES.
+4 for adjective choices including “juicy fruit,” “thickness,” “ice-cream cake,”...
There's gotta be a Dorothy Parker quote for this...
sorry for being forward but id love to cum on your glasses :)
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+5 for starting the note with an apology, and then doing the thing he’s apologizing for. If you’re actually sorry — sorry from the get-go! — maybe don’t do that thing? I suspect you are not actually sorry, is the problem.
+2 for “cum.” Eew.
+2...
4 tags
Boring > illiterate
UR fukin boring
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+2 for brevity.
+4 for spelling two words incorrectly in a three-word message (although to be fair, UR is possibly two words? So maybe he’s at a 50% success rate).
+3 for hostility.
+2 because this isn’t even decent negging. Negging is supposed to be slightly confusing and vaguely insulting — like, “Hey,...
I also look like Shrek, call me.
Lets see.. I am a big and scray Russian dude. Well, mebe not that big and not that scray. I am 180lb but plan to be 250 in the near future. I love take risks and trying new things, and there are few things that I enjoy more than adrenaline in my body and facing fear and laughing at it, and having companions who are on the same page and willing to challange you. I scare people on my motorcycle...
Only if we can role-play The Passion of the Christ
If you ever convert to Catholicism, we’re going to date.
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+5 for at least he understands that sex is much more fun when there’s gut-wrenching religious guilt involved.
+3 because that’s also totally possible through Judaism, so I don’t think he should be so strict about his religious requirements.
+4 because I can just wear...
I am happy to date a crazy girl, but not if I have...
Him: I was looking at you questions and found out that you are manic depressive. I wouldn’t think that being a nanny is the best job. I’m sure you keep it together well, but I am just imagining you flipping out on the kids. I think the only reason I thought of that is because one of my bosses has the same thing and she is freaken CRAZY. Hope I didn’t offend you. :P
Her: Wow! That’s...
You're right, I just plum forgot to mention my...
Though you did not mention it in the things u r looking for!
I live in bay area! into golden showers?
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+2 for grammar, spelling and punctuation carnage.
+2 for direct.
+2 for so excited! All exclamation points!
+2 for pretty normal-weird — text spelling, inconsistent punctuation — and then, BAM, pee fetish.
+10 for “You...
Trust me, I'm a doctor.
can i just come over and cum inside of you? i am clean (i get tested for work, i’m a paramedic) and i am generally a very respectful person. __________________________________________
+5 for direct.
+6 for “i am generally a very respectful person,” which is why I am requesting to come over and use you as a masturbation sock.
+4 for not even trying to make this message sexy or say...
So this is like wiring money to a Nigerian prince,...
Hi, i like feet and i found a way to turn myself into a shoe, i know this sounds crazy but it really works, its shapeshifting and black magic… do you want me to turn myself into some shoes of your choice that you can have? PS. I have about 50,000 dollars savings, if i turn myself into shoes for you, i will wire or send you the money before i do it, because i wont need the money anymore once...
Are you the former governor of California?
Hey, I am in the gym alot, and it’s working me to death. I go every 2-3 times a day but I’ve kinda killed my love life for a long time. I went from a 5x to a 1x in one a half year and put on a lot of muscle. I need some pussy. I am very good with endurance and can go and go and go. Email back if you want cock shots.
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+4 for meat head....
My x was illiterate, so this could work.
Hello, Your in my state too . Big plus .lol I like your profile and pics. I’m told by friends that I’m to good to be looking online..lol I know of people who meet there soul mates on here.I want it to be right.I know of people getting married from online. So it does work if your lucky. I would love to find out more about you. My x was a bbw and its a turn on David
...
Well your poem did make me want to Sylvia Plath...
vows meet me in that place where dancers dance their heads pulled toward the cold clear sky where divers pray before the cliffs and athletes prance in the milkwagon dawn meet me there where the rivers’ urge meets the soils’ crease and the will of the leaf meets the draw of the sun yes, my poem more of you, david and kathy _________________________________________
+9 for who the fuck is...
I wouldn't be sending you this, but...
Subject: Hi Lets chat Now
LTR and bringing you to LA to be my wife is the goal. I have penty of money you will be protected and safe for life. But Casual phonesex IM sex etc is where it starts plus letters. Men need that. You are special but I know you know what you want. Love, [name redacted] US Phone [redacted] CALL ME!!!
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+8 because this...
If Seth Rogan can impregnate Katherine Heigl, I...
Now about me in a paragraph. Is that possible..? I am a nice guy. As a matter of fact, I think I am too nice. I think that’s part of my problem. Women say they want a nice guy but they seem to pick the douchbags. Then again, I’ve been told I’m an ***hole. So I’m probably the nicest ***hole you’ll ever meet. I can be brutally honest. I prefer being this way even though it’s not always the best...
