April 2012
16 posts
At least he's probably found God.
I just got out of prison after 10 years and looking for a hookup or two. Let me know if you are interested. My name is Jonathan BTW
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+10 for putting the whole “I’m an ex-con” thing right out front. Points for not burying the lead.
+6 for a convicted criminal — a convicted criminal who spent a decade in jail, which means he was...
4 tags
Pick-Up Artists in the Wild
Your Bastille Day photo is cute. But you’re costing yourself a lot of potential matches by listing as “curvy,” which you aren’t.
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My Buzzfeed column this week is all about Pick-Up Artists: The guys who use tried-and-failed tactics like “negging” on unsuspecting women online. The PUA game is simple: A PUA will send a vaguely insulting...
You misspelled "pedantic, idiotic and unoriginal."...
I haven’t seen that many people on here that are funny, intelligent, sexy and overall amazing. But enough about me!! haha You do seem pretty cool though. I’m Steve
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+5 because although his real name appears to be Steve, his username is something similar to “Jayzon.”
+6 because although he is 38 years old, his age...
And you are just a penis.
A dork is a whales penis. It is between 5 and 6 feet long. Seeing how you’re 5’2, you could be a whales penis.
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+3 for a pick-up line involving whale penises.
+2 for failed attempt at being clever.
+5 for third-grade humor. I like a good dick joke as much as the next person, but this is just dumb.
TOTAL POINTS: 10.
This site is clearly reserved for pigs.
Fat cows should not be allowed on this site
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+5 because really, that’s your message? That’s it?
+3 because is he calling her a fat cow? I think so? It takes a special kind of person to look at a person’s profile, decide you personally do not find them attractive, but send them a message anyway just to insult them. And then to not...
1 tag
How do you say "No fucking way" in Italiano?
tu se belissima bella, molto molto molto belissima bella, you are absolutely beautiful and astonishing, that was italian, and no I am not italian, I just lived in italy for three years, and asia for three plus years, and I would be very interested in getting to know you, how about affording me an opportunity to do that bella, I am somewhat new to south florida, although I have been a resident...
3 tags
...so you'll come over and blow me now, right?
My name is [redacted],am contractor by professional job.it is so painful allowing people to known what i have gone through with my life. I have been into a relationship with a girl i have promise with the whole of my life,we so much believe in each othere, because we do things togethere.we have been together for 3years without dissappoinment,we both promise to get marrige.it is painful that along...
Anonymous asked: Can you be putting links to the buzzfeed when you post (or weekly link posts, or something), please? For those of us who only use Tumblr and have the memory span of a concussed brick, rendering us unable to remember to check the buzzfeed. Thank you.
A(n)nals on Buzzfeed
Exciting news: A(n)nals now has a regular column on Buzzfeed. I’ll be posting messages over there that I don’t put up on the blog, and instead of rating them will group ‘em together to show particularly disastrous online dating patterns. This week it’s the dudes who propose marriage (and often divorce) online. Go, enjoy.
3 tags
It's more like... raw chicken. Or a nice salmon...
Message 1: wanna spread your meaty lips and suck the cum out of your pussy
Message 2: you have a juicy pink pussy with nice meaty lips that needs a face to cum on
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+2 because oral sex is awesome but you just made it sound totally fucking disgusting.
+4 for “meaty.” UGH. STOP IT. There are very few women who, when envisioning their...
2 tags
Sorry, I only accept propositions for serious...
hey im 26 in brooklyn and in a relationship. I have pics if your interested, goodlooking, white athletic. Im not looking for anything too serious….more chill and stress free times. Im looking for someone to have drinks with and fun once in a while and maybe some rough fucks….
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+2 for zero apostrophes.You know a guy who is too lazy to hit...
4 tags
You bring the Oxyclean.
how about u give me the red wings of death
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+2 for succinct.
+7 for “red wings.” Do the kids still use that term? Aww, kids.
+5 for “of death.” I’m not even sure what that means? In my day (I am 96) “red wings” was a reference to eating out a girl on her period (everyone should try it, orgasms...
It is a step up from the shirtless pic.
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+8 because that’s this dude’s profile picture. Big red monkey butt that looks like big red monkey balls. I see where he’s going with it — what lady doesn’t love some big ol’ Bs? — but that just looks uncomfortable.
+2 because at least the balls appear to be relatively hairless. True gentlemen...
3 tags
Damn, I really prefer pastrami.
do you like cum in your eye? I have a fetish of a cumming in a girls nose. Lava Lamp.. i also heard sometimes i smell like bologna. i hear i taste like onions thats because i eat so much plan white rice. Chalk board. I think bunnys are cute. I was having sex with this girl one day and she said she smelt bologna and i turned around and a milk dud fell out of my butt crack. I havent showered in a...
5 tags
And did I mention I'm a Nigerian prince?
HELLO DEAR, IT NICE TO KNOW YOU I JUST LOGGED IN AND SAW YOUR PROFILE READ ABOUT YOU I ALWAYS TRY TO SEARCH MY OWN SELF OR INNER SOUL YOU ARE ALWAYS SURPRISE BY YOUR OWN FINDINGS AND MANY TIMES IT AMAZES YOU, BUT I FEEL ITS WORTH TO KNOW YOUR OWN SELF. WELL AFTRE READING YOUR PROFILE I JUST DECIDED TO SAY HI TO YOU, I HOPE THAT I WILL BE ABLE TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN AND JUST TO GIVE YOU BRIEF...
