August 2012
13 posts
Buzzfeed Column: Some Creepy Online Dating... →
July 2012
11 posts
3 tags
NoOoOo.
HeyyA, What is UP? I knowww NothinG.. Haha Alrighty then!! Next.. Yes I do have a sense of Humor and I am a mellow Down to earth Gentleman for sure. So to be completely honest with you, I have been contemplating on sending you this email or not. I almost gave myself a black eye in deciding. Just Kiddding!! Why am I emailing you like this Out of the Blue without me knowing anything about you...
Pro Crime Tip: Do not memorialize your...
+3 for criminal activity. Sounds romantic.
+4 for trying extremely hard to seem random and funny. Not working.
+2 for no caps and repeated “u”s.
+5 for egg salad smelling like fries. Have you ever smelled fries? They do not smell like egg salad. You lose.
TOTAL POINTS: 14.
Buzzfeed Column: The Wordsworths of OK Cupid →
Buzzfeed Column: U Mad OK Cupid Bro? →
I think you need a different kind of help.
+3 for foot fetish.
+4 for photography.
+6 for offering her a “big hug” in exchange for being a fetish model, and letting a creepy stranger put his tongue on her toes.
+4 for “LOL I don’t know.” Me neither, son, me neither.
+2 for smilies. Seems like a totally nice, normal guy.
TOTAL POINTS: 19.
Just tell me when so I can refrain from spicy food...
+4 for forward. Does he think there’s a woman out there who is like, “Yes, I definitely want a man who solicits ass-eating on the internet to come and put his mouth on MY ass. Surely no problems there.”?
+10 for her responses. I love this girl. Although note to girl who I love: I think the proper terminology among the kids these days is “dick pic.”
+4 for him...
And here I was wearing my best strap-on.
im in to every thing just about except me beingfucked i luv to please so why dont we experiment i used to be shy but there is no reason yu are who yu are now own up to it sweet heart for instance i luv squirters
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+4 for open-mindedness.
+5 because this is a first message. Listen: Putting your sexual proclivities right out there on your...
Buzzfeed Column: Romancing with Self-Righteousness... →
Just one?
I want you to smack me in the wiener with one tittie
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+3 for misspelling “titty.”
+4 because that’s your fetish? To be smacked in the wiener by a titty? Sure why not.
+5 for the slang terms. “Wiener” is admittedly hilarious but absolutely not sexy. So if it’s yours, don’t call it a wiener.
+3 for the...
Anonymous asked: You are too easy on your gender, go to the "Hispanic" section of Plenty of Fish in the Bronx and you'll see triple the stupid of any man's profile.
June 2012
20 posts
Anonymous asked: Can we (mostly you) inform these people of the existence of Fet Life? Sure, you would lose a lot of material, but think of all the ladies you would save!
What was it about my profile that said to you,...
Hi…looked over your profile…its rare to find what i need so im gonna be blunt..it seems your openminded and kinky..id like to be tied up abd fucked with a strap on..if interested we need to talk…
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+6 for blunt indeed.
+4 because I’m all for kink, and if your kink is being tied up and fucked with a strap-on, good for you! That...
Buzzfeed Column: The Proto-Pedos of Ok Cupid →
You seem like the type to apply early-admission.
APPLICATION for Cyber SEX DEAR madam,. I kinda like you. I want to have sex with you but since thats not possible as I am in India I want to see u fingering your anus on webcam. I HAVE DONE IT WITH A FEW babes on OMEGLE and it was fun. Please give me an appointment….
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+5 for at least he’s polite in his application?
+9 for “I’d...
No reverse cowgirl for you then.
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+5 for at least having standards?
+8 because whatever, you can’t even HANDLE this:
TOTAL POINTS: 13.
5 tags
Does "damn, homeboy uses a lot of smilies" count...
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+5 for someone REALLY not being into flaky girls. Unlike all of those other guys on Ok Cupid, who are like, “Yo flaky girls are really my jam.”
+6 for “don’t judge.” Dude. You are internet dating. EVERYONE ON THIS SITE IS GOING TO JUDGE YOU BEFORE THEY KNOW YOU. That is how they determine if they want to go...
2 tags
Does Big John's have an early bird special?
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+5 for the “eat out” t-shirt as his profile pic. And the slight duck-lips he’s making are pretty choice. This one definitely knows how to pull in the classy ladies.
+6 for MILFs, LOL.
+3 for his typical Friday night sounding normal, normal, normal, what?
+3 because I think this is supposed to make women attracted to him?...
4 tags
Addendum: Your mom must be a Real Housewife,...
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+10 for rhinestones, little dog (bubbles!) and glorifying “gold digging.” Someone didn’t get the memo that Paris Hilton adoration is very 2005.
+4 for I have NO IDEA why “Mr. Right” wouldn’t want to date a woman who is going to use him for his money. She’ll use it to get really sweet manicures...
