U r cute even though ur black do u have flat feet?
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+2 for spelling and grammar carnage.
+10 for racism. At least he thinks you’re cute…?
+25 for the flat feet question. Is that a racist thing or just a foot-fetish thing? Do racists think black people have flat feet, or is this guy just really interested in flat feet? Mysterious. Someone please explain.
TOTAL POINTS: 37.
You must feel real good about yourself for
having the ability to tell men how to write
you. I wish you the best of luck even
though I don’t think you will ever find a
Guy on this site with your demanding ass
attitude. Some people don’t have a
computer and only have a cellphone so
they might not want to type a long ass
message by pushing every button 2,3, or 4
times. But no some demanding ass girl
wants you to spell it out for her and all
along that Guy that really wants to talk to
her might be the best thing that ever
happened to her and she will never even
know cause she’s got her head to far up
her own ass.. Have a good day!
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+5 for repeated capitalization of “Guy.”
+4 for anger at having his terrible spelling and punctuation pointed out, and still failing to hyphenate “demanding-ass girl.” Twice.
+6 for blaming his cell phone.
+3 for still being a gentleman and concluding with “Have a good day!”
TOTAL POINTS: 18.
naughty girl for not responding
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Plus 100.
You are by far the most stunningly beautiful woman on this god forsaken website filled with crazies. It would be an honor and a privilege to get to know you better, and perhaps even take you out…your beauty knows no bounds and is beyond compare…please contact me asap. You can call me at [phone number], skype me at [username], msn messenger me at [e-mail address], yahoo messenger me at [username] or AIM at [username]. Did I miss anything?? I will be waiting anxiously by my computer for your first sweet message, and I will forever cherish the moment at which I receive it and the day I receive you in my arms. - [name]
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+8 for complaining about all the crazies on a dating website, and then sending a message which is indisputably batshit insane.
+5 for every possible way to contact him ever.
+4 for “I will be waiting anxiously.” Yep, got that.
+3 for “cherish.” Haha.
+5 for AIM and MSN Messenger AND Yahoo messenger. So many messengers, and none of them is g-chat.
TOTAL POINTS: 25.
are you an independent girl? can you sniff out a good dick you’d like to suck for a little while? Did you hear about the 90s girls getting pregnant in 1 h.s? do you have a place where you can get really comfortable for a good while?
________________________________________
+7 for sniffing a dick.
+4 for independent girls being good dick-sniffers.
+10 for the comment about high school pregnancy — was that in the 90s, or 90 girls? Unclear.
+5 for making sure she has a comfortable place to stay for a good while. Are you going to get me pregnant high-school-style with that good-smelling dick?
TOTAL POINTS: 26.
Hey Nice tits! :)
Interesting profile too. Are you up for casual sex and stimulating conversation?
______________________________________
+10, obviously, for “Hey Nice tits!”
+2 for smiley
+2 for inexplicable capitalization
+5 for offering both sex AND conversation — sex first, conversation second. Both surely stimulating.
TOTAL POINTS: 19.
Subject: Hey
I think its weird that a girl like you wants to be in a relationship but also want to have sex. :p
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+5 for thinking that sex and relationships are mutually exclusive (that’s sex and marriage).
+2 for emoticon.
+3 for “a girl like you.” Do I strike you as the type who wants a boyfriend minus the dong?
TOTAL POINTS: 10.
Subject: Evening!
How are you today, how’s 2011 looking for you? I’m a wee bit drunk after an afternoon spent in the boozer! And enjoying perusing your profile!
This is gonna be a bit weird, but I am on here looking for a partner but who would have an interest in a bit of an odd quirk I have (or, kink, I guess, to be more accurate). It can be difficult to bring up once I know someone or face-to-face early on, and as I am drunk, I feel like life is too short to be too wound up about these things. So, please bear with me on this one and read it all and think about it before you consider running away from me!
Hopefully we find each other pleasing to the eye. Now I know a lot of people claim to be kinky and that’s cool, but I am looking to find someone to chat with (or, in an ideal world, more than that) with an open mind who will share one interest I have - bedroom watersports: I have a thing for wetting myself (as in peeing my pants) and want to find someone else who has done it or would be prepared to do it! Have you ever wet yourself, even if by accident when drunk? I realise at this point you may be wondering if I am serious I am. I am sure this does seem off the wall, but it can be quite a cool and hot thing when done with the right mindset (after all, sex is a messy and at times, odd business, and we all have different things that get us going!!)
This will probably make or break it, a little fantasy I have in my head imagine you are sitting on my lap and you can feel a desire to pee, but instead of jumping off and going to the toilet, you decide you want to be naughty. You put your hand to mine and motion me to lie down. You kneel between my legs and put my hands onto your hips. And then, looking me straight in the eye, you start to grin. It takes me a moment to realise, but I see the wet patch starting to form on your jeans, as you pee yourself. You move one of my hands down to touch your crotch, so I can feel the stream as it runs out into your panties and soaks your jeans. It is so warm and so wet. I am unable to resist, I pull you down onto me, while you are still pissing. Your warmth wetness soaks through and soaks me. We are locked in an embrace, our tongues passionately exploring each other, our bodies entwined.
Well, I really hope I haven’t offended you or freaked you out (though if I have, we probably wouldn’t be as good a match as I hope we could be!), and of course, I do hope to hear from you soon!
Yes, I am genuine if a little odd! Now your turn.
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+75 for PISSING FETISH.
+10 for bringing it up in an online dating message with basically no warning, asking her to “think about it before you consider running away from me” and then writing it off as “a little odd.” Dude, it’s a PISSING FETISH.
TOTAL POINTS: 85.
How are you doing. I am cool. I must admit that I don’t try a lot of new things. However, I am open to trying some new stuff. In addition, I am not the best communicator via email. I love football, basketball, cooking, and work out. I would say my biggest strength is that I am very consistent, and I am not into going out with different women all the time. I am not having fun being single because I don’t like trying to meet new people. I really want a committed relationship, which is why Iam trying this online thing. In addition, I want to have two kids. So tell me more about you. BTW, I am straight forward.
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+3 for “I am open to trying some new stuff.” You should try Intro to English.
+2 for “How are you doing. I am cool.” Nope.
+5 for not liking new things, not enjoying meeting people, but wanting to get married and have kids (two).
+3 for being straight-forward about how entirely terrible and possibly crazy he is. BTW.
TOTAL POINTS: 13.
Subject: Hi
…then all of a sudden the door shut behind me and there I was, surrounded by rabid grizzly bears with killer bees foaming from their mouths and I’m standing knee deep in honey.
Exciting? Well, just so you know, that didn’t really happen. I’m all about honesty. Is that not enough in common to spark your interest? More you say? Well you’ll just have to ask questions ;-) Hope to hear from you soon.
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+5 for starting off your online dating message with an idiotic story that doesn’t even make sense.
+3 for “killer bees foaming from their mouths.” Nope.
+2 for smiley.
+4 for has this EVER worked for this guy? Because you know his terrible grizzly “story” is a form message.
TOTAL POINTS: 14.
