A(n)nals of Online Dating

APPLICATION for Cyber SEX
DEAR madam,. I kinda like you. I want to have sex with you but since thats not possible as I am in India I want to see u fingering your anus on webcam. I HAVE DONE IT WITH A FEW babes on OMEGLE and it was fun.
Please give me an appointment….

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+5 for at least he’s polite in his application?

+9 for “I’d like to have sex, but since that’s not possible, I’ll offer you a second option: Finger your anus on webcam.” Bold move, good sir.

+8 for I HAVE DONE IT WITH A FEW babes. Haha. Sure. And by “I’ve watched a few babes finger their own anuses on OMEGLE” what you really mean is “I saw a bunch of dudes jerking off on ChatRoulette,” right?

+4 because is “I’ve done this with a bunch of other chicks before” supposed to make her want to do it? Peer pressure? Competition? What, exactly, is the incentive here?

+3 for “anus.” Especially “finger your anus.” Especially “finger your anus on webcam.” I am alternately 12 and 85, I know, and as grown-ups we should all use anatomically correct terms for our body parts, but if you’re gonna get all porn-requesty, at least use porny language? “Anus” is not doing the job. And asking someone to do ANYTHING on webcam is hilarious to my 90-year-old self. Kids today, with their anuses and cams!

+5 for asking for an appointment. “I’m sorry sir, I’m trying to fit you in my schedule, but my anus-fingering-on-webcam slots are all filled up this week! If someone cancels at the last minute I’ll give you a call and try and squeeze you in.”

TOTAL POINTS: 34.