A(n)nals of Online Dating

Going deep into your worst internet romances.

Posted 7 months ago

Just want to comment about your interview on askmen and the idea that it is easier to simply not respond to a message if you are not interested. As a guy (hopefully a fairly normal one), I would much rather get a short "thanks, but I am not interested' message rather than having to feel like a creep checking to see if the person has been online and trying to guess if my original message had been received. Does this not seem normal and less of a waste of time for everyone?

Asked by Anonymous

Good point! Opinions on this one vary — some people want a “thanks but no thanks” response, while others prefer no response. I think the key is, if you get a “thanks but I’m not interested” or are just ignored, let it be. The reason I don’t send “thanks but I’m not interested” responses is that I’ve gotten some REALLY hostile responses back, or had dudes try to argue with me. So it’s been easier just to ignore. But I agree the “thanks but no thanks” responses are perfectly nice and normal and also not a waste of anyone’s time. Unless the recipient of the “thanks but no” message gets hostile. Then it’s bad and weird.
1. machinegunmiddlefingers likes this
2. whatafablife likes this
3. calliedoll likes this
4. caviling said: No response is a response And nobody owes you a reply just because you sent them a message. Not ever. Even if it makes you kind of sad to be ignored.
5. g-nomey likes this
6. edgaradalric said: Sometimes it’s impossible to keep up with the messages. Not everyone who says “hi ;)” deserves some kind of response. And as the others mentions, sometimes they get REALLY hostile. Dudes need to sort themselves out.
7. cutthroatchorus likes this
8. thezeka said: I also thought that the “thanks, not interested” is the way to go - polite and effective - but then people started getting hostile and I had to change my (preferred) ways.
9. strengthandlace likes this
10. beasting4beauty said: Usually thanks but no thanks gets replied to with something along the lines of: YOU FAT UGLY BITCH YOU SHOULD BE GLAD ANYBODY EVEN TRIED TO TALK TO YOU! So no, I just let it be,
11. tauntaunsnuggie likes this
12. atheologist said: I don’t respond to messages from guys I’m not interested in, and I prefer the same if I message someone who isn’t interested in me. It’s far preferable to the “you’re not my type” (i.e. too fat) responses I’ve gotten in the past.
13. emer likes this
14. neutralangel said: Reddit has a “creepyPMs” subreddit, and if a woman doesn’t respond, they get yelled at for not telling the guy they weren’t interested, and if they do respond, they get yelled at for leading the guy on. It’s no-win.
15. pineapplelost said: It’s impossible to tell who will accept a “not interested” gracefully and who will reply with an obscenity-laden rant. Even some guys who specifically said that they’d rather be politely declined than ignored turned hostile when I did so.
16. the-cheapshot said: Or people could accept that no answer is an answer in itself. No one owes you a reply on these sites, least of all someone who isn’t interested in you.
17. 4percent-red likes this
18. amorphousblob likes this
19. annalsofonlinedating posted this