I’m not saying I’m chivalrous, but I’m polite. Before anal sex I’ll be sure to put some nutella or peanut butter on your butthole and lick it up.
+8 because lining your butthole with a nut-based spread is extremely polite in some cultures. Right?
+5 because this guy has definitely never had anal sex before if he thinks that a sticky thick food item is going to help the situation.
+3 because why the first-message anal sex reference? This is officially a Thing that dudes on internet dating sites do, and I don’t understand it. Has it ever worked? Has any woman ever read a message from a dude wanting to fuck her in the ass and been like, “Yes, that is definitely the kind of guy who will use appropriate amounts of lube and not ram his rock-hard three inches into my butt without proper preparation and will absolutely be into the kinds of sexual activities that are most likely to make me cum”? I mean maybe but yeah no, never.
TOTAL POINTS: 16.
+15 for poop ice cream.
+8 for what kind of ice cream shop is he taking you to? I don’t think they allow that kind of behavior at Baskin Robbins.
+4 for non-sequitur. “I love high school sluts, so I will finger your asshole.” Sure ok.
+6 for “and then you will tell me if it’s as good as you remember.” So you’ve fingered this girl’s asshole and dipped it in ice cream before? Or she’s tasted her own asshole/ice cream combination before? I think you are incorrect on that one.
+3 for “kaboooooom.” Why?
+5 for thinking that this would ever sound appealing to anyone, let alone a total stranger.
+2 for first date. FIRST DATE! Lots of people don’t even kiss on that date, and you’re already feeding each other ass ice cream? No.
TOTAL POINTS: 43.
Okay I’m going to just ask and hope for the
best….. lets be honest. Do you wanna hook up and fuck? You seem
like my type of woman, personality wise. And I really like you.
Sexy, free time college student here.. I’m NOT looking for a one
night stand… I’m possibly considering a friends with benefits
I just haven’t enjoyed the way I would want to
with anyone yet, still looking for something promising, like a fwb
relationship or something discreet that can be ongoing and not just
a one night thing. She needs to appreciate my body and treat it
right, I do have a six pack, I do a lot of track and running here at
my college, so I’m a runner pretty much. I don’t see the point of
anal if the girl just wants a big stick of love up right up
stretching her labia apart… I like to take my time when I’m with
my partner and not just rush into it all, like to caress her and
tease her… a lot… before I even show it to her, that way she
will want it more. But I haven’t found the right woman for that can
satisfy me with what I need. And no one has wanted to meet me..
haven’t had luck :(
+9 for “no one has wanted to meet me,” frowny-face. So weird. No idea why.
+5 for “And I really like you.” Based on my extensive perusal of your online dating profile, I have determined that I know you well and really enjoy your personality. Now let’s bang.
+10 for “I don’t see the point of anal if the girl just wants a big stick of love up right up stretching her labia apart.” Anal: Yr doin it rong. (Also: STICK OF LOVE).
+4 for making it clear that she must appreciate his body and treat it right by complimenting him on his six-pack and waiting to see his dick until she reeeeeeeally wants it. At which point she will presumably be less disappointed.
TOTAL POINTS: 28.
+9 because who among us does not ideally want to end up with a lefty Christian gal who loves anal?
+7 because this guy has clearly been dating too many lefty Christians. If he wants ALL ANAL ALL THE TIME, he needs to find some abstinence-only education graduates. Virginity preservation ahoy! And twice the syphilis!
+5 because apparently you can have some pairing of lefty politics, you can have devout Christianity, or you can have anal, but not all three at once. Seems about right.
+4 because I hope she responded to tell him that, in furthering the Biblical prerogative to love they neighbor, she also loves giving anal sex and she hopes he’s her trifecta, and will submit to her as they both submit to Christ. Let’s see how lefty he gets then.
TOTAL POINTS: 25.