A(n)nals of Online Dating

I have a question I’m here to try new things would you let me suck your toes and lick your ass hole I’m just trying to keep it real with you I really hope you not offended by my message you seem sweet I’m just trying to be true to myself or I can’t expect myself to be true to you and just because I want to be a little freaky for once does not mean I’m a Creep or bad person please don’t judge me by this one message ;-) So if your up for any of thoses two things or if you have anything else in mind just let me know I’m up for almost anything

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+5 for being “true to himself” by using no punctuation other than an emoticon.

+2 for capitalizing Creep. Seems about right.

+9 for asking a stranger on the internet to allow him to suck her toes and lick her asshole, and having the self-awareness to realize it’s weird and creepy, but going for it anyway on the off chance she says yes.

+4 because there is no chance she said yes.

TOTAL POINTS: 20.

+15 for poop ice cream.

+8 for what kind of ice cream shop is he taking you to? I don’t think they allow that kind of behavior at Baskin Robbins.

+4 for non-sequitur. “I love high school sluts, so I will finger your asshole.” Sure ok.

+6 for “and then you will tell me if it’s as good as you remember.” So you’ve fingered this girl’s asshole and dipped it in ice cream before? Or she’s tasted her own asshole/ice cream combination before? I think you are incorrect on that one.

+3 for “kaboooooom.” Why?

+5 for thinking that this would ever sound appealing to anyone, let alone a total stranger.

+2 for first date. FIRST DATE! Lots of people don’t even kiss on that date, and you’re already feeding each other ass ice cream? No.

TOTAL POINTS: 43.