Month: May 2012

…are you calling me fat?

Hello my beautiful sweet juicy fruit Nubian black queen chocolate sweetness thickness ice-cream cake empress woman candy baby how are u feeling early today darling how was work sunshine? +6 for SO MANY ADJECTIVES. +4 for adjective choices including “juicy fruit,” “thickness,” “ice-cream cake,” “chocolate” and “empress.” I think he is actually coming up with […]

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You mean there’s more to it than just kimchi?

Hi there! 안녕하세요? I’ve always wanted a Korean friend, let’s go sing karaoke sometime together! You can teach me all about Korean culture +10 for “I’ve always wanted a Korean friend.” And hey, you look sort of Asian, so you’ll do. +6 for karaoke. All Koreans love karaoke, right? +2 for the copied-and-pasted Korean phrase […]

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You forgot to add, “Me luv u long time.”

I tooootally wanted to hit you with a ”hey babez I <3 video games and asians! Luv me nao puhleeze!” but apparently that stuff is unacceptable. and I would try and impress you with some political learnings (should be a real word) but I only pay attention to politics when somebody fucks up in a […]

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My mother is Sally Jessy Raphael, which is how this whole fetish started.

Him: can i cum on those glasses Her: Holy smokes I think I’ve seen you before on this! Hang on let me get the link www.annalsofonlinedating.tumblr.com It’s somewhere on here! Him: nah u never seen me Her: http://annalsofonlinedating.tumblr.com/post/9012244500/theres-gotta-be-a-dorothy-parker-quote-for-this YUP! There you are! Him: lol u funny u still didnt answer my question,and the question was can […]

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I also live in my mother’s basement and spend my days berating strangers on the internet, because paying rent and meeting real people is for fat losers.

Message 1: You’re too pretty (and obviously too smart) for this site. Anyone who uses this side has some fundamental personality issues. I do realize that it is rather difficult to meet people in real life, but, the people who are on this site are usually either completely socially retarded or simply drowning in self-inflicted […]

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Well I don’t like yer tone.

Subject: I like yer smile. That’s it. How about it? +3 for “yer.” +1 for brevity. +2 for “how about it?” without any indication of what “it” is, beyond possibly liking that smile. TOTAL POINTS: 6.

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}Thank you;

Hi, girl)you are so beautiful) +4 for inexplicable ellipses. +2 for unnecessary comma. +3 for three inappropriate uses of punctuation in a six-word sentence, but no period at the end. +2 because seriously, is this street harassment or an online dating site? TOTAL POINTS: 11.

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