A(n)nals OF Online Dating

+5 for Christ what an asshole. +2 because her wall is not in any of her photos, meaning that this abortion of a message was actually copied and mass-pasted to many different women. +4 for pointless racism. Not that racism generally has a point, but it’s really extra pointless here. +8 for being one of […]

My fifth favourite smooth-skinned exotic beauty has not messaged me back; I’ve been masturbating with my own tears +5 for racism. +8 for “masturbating with my own tears.” At least he’s a funny racist? +2 for using a semi-colon but not a period. +4 for the neg. Your fifth favorite? That is a very sad […]

Please respond with your approximate height and weight. I need it for the cage, I mean dress I’m planning on buying you. I’m 5’8, 185 lbs, Christian, spiritual, single, monogamous, romantic, politically incorrect, Conservative Libertarian, kind of funny, a little crazy, very protective, and as a bonus, I smell a lot like love and have […]

My self-summary I probably don’t come off as nice at first but when you shut up and actually talk with me, not to me, you will find out that I will probably lift you onto a higher pedestal than your parents ever thought possible. But only if you can take it. But mostly music. I am […]

+6 for calling a girl in your photo — who maybe you used to date? or at least were friends with? — a “bitch” who is “dead to me” on an internet dating site. I am sure all of the ladies will flock to such a nice young man, in the hopes that one day […]

+10 for that username. +15 for holy disgusting! +3 because do you think he likes sex? +5 for his fantasies involving latex and vegetables. +4 because he’s German. Of course he is. +6 for the youngest person he’s ever slept with being “too dirty” to discuss. Um… that’s because it was a child, wasn’t it? […]

+15 for HUMAN SACRIFICE. +6 for sacrifice and rape. Sacrifice and THEN rape? I can’t decide if that’s better or worse than the opposite order. +2 because of course his name is Edward. Is this some bizarro Twilight shit? I don’t understand. +4 because does he understand what “sacrifice” means? I suspect no, and that […]