At least he puts his best foot forward.

+50 for holy gigantic sock-dick. Can we even call that thing a dick? It seems almost unfair to include this dick in the same category as all of the other, more reasonably-sized dicks out there.

+4 because it might be stuffed. The head looks a little large, doesn’t it? But he could have taught 7th-grade me a few tricks about using socks to enhance your assets.

+5 for g-string.

+another 5 for g-string WITH ball-and-pube covers.

+10 for arm-warmers. What, it’s a little chilly in the house but you have to take a shirtless pantless dick shot right at this very moment, so you put on your best arm-warmers to prevent shrinkage? Well played. 

TOTAL POINTS: 74.