There’s gotta be a Dorothy Parker quote for this situation…

sorry for being forward but id love to cum on your glasses 🙂

+5 for starting the note with an apology, and then doing the thing he’s apologizing for. If you’re actually sorry – sorry from the get-go! – maybe don’t do that thing? I suspect you are not actually sorry, is the problem.

+2 for “cum.” Eew.

+2 for smiley.

+6 for cumming ON HER GLASSES. Protip, dudes: No woman on the planet is like, “You know what I would really like? If a stranger from the internet came over and gave me no sexual pleasure at all, and simply ejaculated on my face.” That’s about up there with “I hope a stranger from the internet comes over and takes a shit in my shower.” Perhaps it’s an exaggeration to say that NO ONE ON THE PLANET wants that to happen, but it’s probably true that only a very small number of people on the planet would actually enjoy it. You know what’s even worse than having a stranger ejaculate on your face? Having a stranger ejaculate ON YOUR GLASSES.